You’ve seen it in films, read about it in books and maybe even experienced it yourself, falling desperately in love while traveling abroad. The romance of the location becomes entirely overshadowed by the glint of an eye, sweet nothings whispered in that dreamy accent and travel plans thwarted in favor of more time entangled with this international love affair. Ultimately though, visas, work and family obligations tear the two of you apart and you find yourself facing the question of whether the romance can last longer than the trip.

Before you allow it to go any further, put it in perspective. There is a gaping difference between a weeklong love affair on the beach and a romance that sparked while studying abroad or spending a significant amount of time either traveling together or living in the same vicinity. In order for a relationship to last, there must already be a foundation for the relationship, and one sturdy enough to take the blows associated with distance and separation.

After returning home or watching your lover leave, it will not take long to realize that keeping the relationship together over a distance requires much more time, effort and thought than when you were wrapped up in one another’s arms. Communication becomes more difficult and less frequent and spending time together becomes a logistical and expensive issue. Facing these challenges will quickly help you determine whether or not the relationship should continue. If you mutually decide that this is the case and wish to carry on, here are a few tips to help you along the rocky and unpredictable road of international/distance relationships.

First, I have one word for you and it is Skype. If you don’t already know about Skype, it is time for you to discover this incredible communication tool. Free to download, Skype makes it possible to make international calls to cell phones and landlines at an absurdly low cost. Better yet, if both you and your lover have regular access to a computer and the internet, video calls and chat from Skype to Skype are free of cost – beyond the cost of bandwidth associated with internet use and the viewing/sending of live video feed. The beauty of this is that it allows you to see your lover and the nuances of their physical reactions are invaluable when coping with distance.

Don’t underestimate the value of the postal service. Skype is a wonderful tool for day-to-day communication and it makes it possible to almost spend time with the person you love. However, there is something wonderful about tangible items and the written word. When speaking, it is easy to get caught up in an argument or the mundane recapitulation of a day’s events. Letters, cards and small gifts sent through the mail offer an opportunity to share thoughts and feelings uninterrupted. To hold the words of the person you love in your hands as opposed to just hearing them while staring at a screen add the tangible element that is so important in a romantic relationship.

Communication is an integral part of all relationships, but ultimately you will need more than communication to stay together. The feeling of hopelessness and that there is no end to the distance in sight will begin to decay what could be an incredibly strong love and understanding of one another. While you will likely have financial and visa restrictions on seeing each other as often as you would like, don’t let that get in the way of making plans.  Whether it is three weeks or three months away, knowing that you will be together soon will help alleviate the pain of separation. Plan visits at intervals and celebrate small milestones. If you are flying to visit your lover, try to book flights on the same airline to accumulate frequent flier miles. This may cost more initially, but will help you save in the long run. Plus, if the relationship doesn’t work out, you can always use your miles to get away somewhere else!

Give and expect respect of cultural differences and differing expectations. If you are from similar cultures and speak the same or a related language, you may encounter fewer issues than in a relationship with a native speaker of a different language. Even a fluent speaker of a foreign language lacks some of the understanding that comes with growing up speaking that language. Once you establish which language you use to communicate as a couple, both will need to be respectful of the deficiencies and misunderstandings. Further, you may find that there are small cultural differences that make a big difference in a relationship. If you are unable to anticipate, accept and work through these differences, you will likely encounter great difficulty.

Reminiscing is nice, but live in the moment. When you return to your home or when life settles down after your lover leaves, you are faced with the choice of integrating the experience into your daily life or living in the past. It is difficult to strike a balance when intimately involved with a person who is not present. I suggest picking up old hobbies or starting new ones as a healthy outlet for energy unassociated with the relationship. The last thing you want is to allow your school or work to suffer or cause your lover to suffer from your overdependence.

Lastly, remember why you are doing this. Love is a beautiful and fleeting thing, but a partnership is a commitment. When you move past romance into the realm of relationship, you are choosing to forge through life together. While you may be temporarily separated, this does not need to be permanent. Keep the goal of reuniting alive. Thoroughly research all possibilities for reuniting – work visas, educational opportunities, meeting up in an entirely new environment and the legal restrictions associated. It is not going to be easy, but your love and the strength of your relationship will grow through the process.